Essay—An Existential Life—(71)

SummaryThis essay tells the story of my existential life and what I have learned from it as discussed in the three appendices.

QuotationJust listened to Chris’s story…wonderful, inspiring! So much to be proud of here. —Sandra Jansen, MLA

The 1999 movie Three Kings tells a story that took place in the aftermath of the Persian Gulf War where four American soldiers set out to steal gold that had been stolen from Kuwaitbut also found people who desperately needed their help. Upon preparing to rescue a fallen comrade from an Iraqi bunker, the commander advised one of his soldiers, “You do the thing you are most afraid ofand then you get the courage afterwards.” Existentialism means having the courage to take responsibility and to live life on one’s own terms.

My Early Life. I was born in Edmonton to a family of six. I had a good childhood where we lived in nice houses and always had good food on the table. In the summers, we would go to our cabin at Pigeon Lake where we would waterski and spend time with our extended family. It was the highlight of my youth. When I was eleven, my family moved to Calgary when my father was transferred with Esso, where he worked his entire 37 year career. I always did alright in school and still enjoy the idea of taking complicated ideas and making them simple. After graduating from high school I went on to the University of Calgary and graduated with a Bachelor of Science Degree in Applied Mathematics.

My Working Life. After graduating from university, I moved to Toronto and started working for an actuarial consulting firm named The Wyatt Company where I conducted actuarial science work in valuing pension plans. I very much enjoyed working at Wyatt but was homesick and came back to Calgary. I continued working with Wyatt but I changed over from pensions to risk management. I mathematically valued losses for risk factors like property, liability and business interruption. Everything was going well and I was even able to buy my dream house in Crescent Heights. After a few years at Wyatt in Calgary, I started my own consulting firm, Risk Services, which became quite successful. I was offering a whole new perspective on holistic risk management, which involved taking a view from the top. I consulted to many large organizations including TransCanada Pipelines, NOVA Corporation and PetroCanada. My biggest client was the CFO and treasurer of Canadian Pacific Limited (CPL).

Philosophy Magazine. I produced twenty essays of my newly minted publication, the Risk Management Review, largely based on the connection between physics and finance. I sent out my publication to 36 oil and gas executives for a few years. As I went forward my writing started to drift towards philosophy and science and so I decommissioned the Risk Management Review and created Philosophy Magazine—which is philosophy and science for the Third Millennium. The philosophy is primarily existentialism and the science is primarily the theory of one and The Bernoulli Model. I formulated the base of my theory of one in 2000 and launched on January 1st, 2001 which included the first draft of my theory based on one argument. The 2015 published version of my book is based on seven arguments. I have since written 71 essays of Philosophy Magazine that I post to my website and mailout to 66 people around the world every month.

Canadian Pacific Limited. After spending three years at CPL, the company broke up into its five subsidiaries at the same time I posted my theory of one essays to I presented my theory of one to the CFO and treasurer but they were far too busy with the breakup of the company. And as a result of the breakup, I was out of work. I have come to realize, that because of the incredible magnitude of my theory, change occurs glacially slow and it was unfair to ask them to care. Even now 16 years later I am still swimming upstream. Losing my biggest client and not having anyone to care about my astonishing theory was extremely hard to take. I met with my doctor and told him I was having suicidal thoughts. My argument was that if nobody cares about the truth then what is the point of living? But that was a long time ago and I have evolved greatly since then so that I dauntlessly search for truth and refuse to let things get complicated.

The Supremacy of God. Carrying on from CPL I developed The Bernoulli Model which is an advanced application of portfolio theory that takes a top-down view of corporate finance. Unfortunately I was unable to find any companies interested in my model. I then decided to stop trying to consult and focused all my attention on my theory and writing essays and letters to the government. I was beginning to have some mental health challenges and ended up in the hospital on four occasions. During this time I came up with the following argument—Consider that the Canadian Constitution “recognizes the supremacy of God” and that Einstein claimed, “God is the sum total of the laws of nature.” Therefore, the laws of nature are supreme to everything including the laws of government. In other words, the laws of nature trump the laws of government. Relativity theory, quantum theory and my theory of one are all laws of nature. I would thus argue that the government has no legal right to take action against me while I have an outstanding claim for a law of nature. I sacrificed my house to make this point.

Losing My House. Over the years I have served up one eternal truth after another—but no one cares. With no income, I was unable to pay my mortgage and my dream home was taken away from me. With nowhere to go, my mother brought me to the hospital where I stayed for a year. While in the hospital, I was diagnosed with Schizophrenia. It was a difficult illness to understand until I discovered the origin of the word comes from ancient Greece and simply means divided mind. After my stay in the hospital I moved to a group home for another year and was connected to Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA). Working with CMHA, they determined I was stable enough to live independently and they referred me to Horizon Housing. As soon as I walked into my new Horizon apartment I said, “I will take it!” I did not even have to look around, it just felt like home. It is easy to take things for granted in our lives, but I’m proof that life’s circumstances can change. And yes, although I miss my old house and my dogs, I love my apartment. As far as I’m concerned, I’m living like a king. I have everything I need—a stereo, television, computer and 500 books on philosophy and science. I honestly do not know where I would be today without my apartment. Living at Horizon on Eighth has given me a stress-free environment where I can deal with my mental health issues and focus on my passions of reading books, writing essays and communicating with others about my work.

Appendix—The Theory of One. My theory of one (2001) solves the greatest scientific problem of all time by uniting relativity theory (1905) with quantum theory (1925). Light speed and Planck’s constant are the two major universal constants. Relativity theory is based on light speed and quantum theory is based on Planck’s constant. My theory unites these two theories by recognizing that light speed and Planck’s constant are the same boundary of the spacetime continuum. In addition to proving the universe is bounded, it also proves there is only one photon (a being of light), that one photon is God (the Bible also says that God is light), and that reality is an illusion—meaning the Moon does not exist when no one is looking at it. The theory of one also tracks all the way back to the big bang where the God-photon produced a primordial particle in Her womb that split into an electron (matter) and a positron (antimatter)—which was the moment of the big bang and where the resulting universe still exists inside the God-photon today.

Appendix—Existentialism. The behavioral psychological model is used exclusively in Canada and only asks that we behave normally. It is the sickness that pervades our society. Existentialism cures behaviorism by asking each of us to take responsibility for the world. It gives us meaning in our lives. Existentialism is primarily the work of some of the great 19th and 20th-century European philosophers that include Kierkegaard, Nietzsche, Dostoyevsky, Kafka, Camus and Sartre. They all shared the belief that philosophy begins with the concrete human experience—with the acting, feeling and living human being. Existentialism also concerns itself with bad faith and its opposite, authenticity, which is the degree to which one’s true nature, spirit and character exist in reality despite overwhelming social pressure to behave otherwise.

Appendix—The Bernoulli Model. The Bernoulli Model takes portfolio theory to the next level and brings all moving parts into a single portfolio distribution like the normal distribution. I spent nine months developing The Bernoulli Model. It uses a top-down, strategic management approach to scientific management and combines the processes of forecasting, integrating and optimization. The Bernoulli Model employs the forecasting method of Monte Carlo simulation along with the four-moment Camus Distribution that I developed in order to model the full spectrum of risk factors. The factors are then integrated by calculating the four moments of the simulated outcome. Optimization algorithms then search risk-reward space in order to determine optimal decisions subject to Delphi constraints. The Delphi is an iterative questionnaire used to identify fundamental organizational values.

Conclusion. I would like to thank the government for supporting me all these years. I would however point out that had they answered my theory of one and existentialism in the first place, I would never have been sick. But we know from Nietzsche that sickness is a gift for us to overcome. I have overcome schizophrenia and have produced gifts like my book and 71 essays—one of which is called Curing Schizophrenia.